X-Cutioner's Song Part 9: Uncanny X-Men #296

       What is up nerds? We are back at it again with a doozy of an issue, part nine in the continuing saga of X-Cutioner's Song, Uncanny X-Men #296. Written by Scott Lobdell, with pencils by Brandon Peterson, ink from Terry Austin, color from Joe Rosas, and letters from Chris Eliopoulos, our issue picks up moments after we left Jean Grey and Scott Summers in X-Force #17. We catch up with our heroes moments after their attempt to break free from Stryfe's prison has gone south and they have been captured by the Dark Riders who have knocked Jean out. So instead of having one of Marvel's most powerful women deal with the threat her husband smashes the Dark Riders with his optic blasts. They run into more of Apocalypse's former minions and are updated on the fact that "our loyalties have always been to the first among mutants. A mantle Stryfe recently wrested from our former master". This is the first example of dialogue in this issue that follows the Marvel editorial mandate of the time that you should always treat a comic like its someone’s first. This idea of constant rehashing and reintroduction of comics and events that we have already seen is something that is deeply frustrating to me so for brevity's sake I won't bore you with more examples unless they are truly egregious. However, it is Scott Lobdell in particular who really takes it to its most extreme extents, and that is on full display throughout this book. We cut back to Stryfe upon his throne as he observes Jean and Scott's escape attempt as he calls them predictable. Slam back to New York as we see Hank McCoy, who was finally able to extract the techno-organic bullet from the Professors body, but it has not helped his condition. Moira also reveals a binary message that is encoded into the virus' genetic code, "you are smart, but I am smarter." 

           We next move to Graymalkin, where we find Cable, Wolverine and Bishop on the most awkward lunch date imaginable as they work through the various possible scenarios around the Professors attempted assassination. Bishop is not entirely convinced that Cable is innocent despite mountains of evidence to the contrary. Through these holograms we get a recap of all of the events making up X-Cutioner's Song to this point. We get a neat little summary that the ultimate plot of the event is tied up in the ties between Cable, Stryfe and Scott and Jean. Back at Stryfe's base we find Jean and Scott further into their escape as they ask why Stryfe has beef with them before they run into what is the single most unsettling baby, I have seen in my life nestled in a techno-organic harness. Truly this baby is a nightmare to behold. Before we can find out what the fuck is going on we cut back to New York where we see a gravely wounded Apocalypse negotiating with the X-Men. He plays his trump card where he reveals he can cure the Professor. The X-Men question why they should trust Apocalypse, one of their most hated enemies, he counters that they have no other options with their numbers depleted through battle but once Warren vouches for his most hated foe, the man to blame for his transformation to Archangel, the X-Men acquiesce. Back on Graymalkin, the grizzled young veterans continue ponder where Stryfe is hiding out after the MLF base was raided. Bishop postulates that Stryfe is hiding in plain sight, but the X-Mansion is quickly eliminated due to Cerebro being able to detect him there, the trio ponder other locations as we move back to Stryfe's hide out and that weird looking baby. Cyclops has a brief moment where he ponders the fact that this baby that looks like his son Nathan, that he had with the clone of his wife while Jean was dead and then got infected with the techno-organic virus and was then sent into the future to save his life. Jean recognizes the baby as well but there is no way for Stryfe to know about Nathan unless he was there... duhn duhn duuuuhn. Suddenly Stryfe appears as a hologram and reveals that the baby is not only linked to his own consciousness but also linked with the whole of the complex, meaning that our heroes have the opportunity to stop Stryfe, the Dark Riders and destroy his base in one fell swoop, if they kill the baby. Of course, our heroes object and Stryfe gives them thirty seconds to decide. He seems to think that Jean and Scott will destroy the baby to save themselves, his death is only an added bonus, further telling us he has some sort of connection to the Summers'. Our heroes find there is no way for them to remove the baby from his techno-organic harness and Jean says they have to sacrifice themselves to save the baby. Stryfe views this as unacceptable and sends in the Dark Riders begging the Summers to kill him and his minions and live, but only with the knowledge that they destroyed a child. Jean and Scott begin to fight back against the Dark Riders, refusing to kill the baby, much to Stryfe's disappointment. Stryfe, or as the narration puts it, his inner child has hated Jean and Scott for years, but as he sees them defend the baby, he begins to question the reason for his hatred. As the battle escalates Jean and Scott realize that they need to put some distance between the fighting and the baby and leap from a ledge within the complex plummeting towards the floor and as they fall it is revealed the baby was simply a techno organic construct. By their powers combined our heroes attempt to slow their fall and bust through a wall and escape, but as they do they find themselves pulled outside by a vacuum. We cut back to Graymalkin where Cable and co realize the reason they have had no luck finding Stryfe on Earth, no matter how hard they looked, is because he was on ... the Moon, the last place they faced Apocalypse. And we cut back to Scott and Jean on the final page of the issue as we see them floating through the cold void of space outside of a moon base screaming, as Stryfe looks over them in the corner of the page like one of those Sears photo portraits.

        Boy howdy was that issue simultaneously a lot and not very much. In terms of plotting, a few small pieces are moved forward, like Apocalypse offering to cure the Professor. But at the same time the issue was largely focused on characterization moments and Scott Lobdell is too ham-fisted of a writer for it to work as well as it could. Warren for example is still seeking his ultimate vengeance against Apocalypse where he wants to kill him, he is just putting it on pause for a few days to help the Professor and he is still written as the same sad boy grasping with anger issues that was everywhere at the time. And Stryfe's plan to get Scott and Jean to kill the baby is just plain silly because anyone whose followed their adventures for even the slightest time know that the X-Men don’t kill anyone really (except edgelord mcArchAngel) let alone children, even to save themselves, see any number of other X-events before this. Stryfe's threat has no teeth, but it does underline his larger feud with the Summers Brood which we will touch on later. The art is largely not great, standard nineties Liefeld acolyte art. However, there are two exceptions: First, the Baby. I know that kids are hard to draw, and I can’t really talk like someone with little to no Fine Art Skills, but the baby is so horrific, it’s comedic. And second, the final splash page with Scott and Jean Floating away into space with a laughing Stryfe head in the sky is just one of the funniest pieces of art I have ever seen. 7/10